


Everything You're Looking For

by flowerfan



Series: Schitt's Creek Season 5 Codas [6]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Canon Compliant, Communication, Established Relationship, Identity, Introspection, Love, M/M, Queer Feelings, Queer Themes, S05E06, episode coda, is there an LGTBQ+ community center in the Elms? There should be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28790514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerfan/pseuds/flowerfan
Summary: In the days after what Patrick thinks of as theKen incident,Patrick finds himself hyperaware every time a guy around his age comes into the store.A S05e06 coda, part of a series of Schitt's Creek Season 5 episode codas.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: Schitt's Creek Season 5 Codas [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2080446
Comments: 34
Kudos: 202





	Everything You're Looking For

In the days after what Patrick thinks of as the _Ken incident,_ Patrick finds himself hyperaware every time a guy around his age comes into the store. It’s bordering on ridiculous, but each time Patrick approaches one of them with what he steadily maintains is his usual cheerful greeting, he can’t help but wonder what they see when they look at him. Is he now giving off some kind of gay vibe?

Adding to the insanity of this preoccupation is the fact that Patrick still, for the most part, has no idea whether any particular guy he looks at is queer. He’s actually pretty sure that making that judgment based upon a guy’s appearance is incorrect, and yet he doesn’t have the time to banter with everyone he meets for a few weeks to find out whether their eyes linger on his lips when he calls out their sloppy mouth, so he’s not sure how to discover if there might be an attraction between them.

It’s not as if he _wants_ there to be an attraction between them – he doesn’t want to be with anyone other than David, that was never really in doubt, and now it’s firmly established. But he just can’t help considering what people think when they meet him. If Ken had seen something in Patrick that told him “yeah, he might be open to this” does that mean that Patrick has changed? In his whole life, before meeting David, no guy has ever hit on him. _Something_ must have changed.

Of course it might also be that Ken saw Patrick interacting with David, or looking at David, or existing near David… Patrick thinks he’s pretty obvious, at least now, when it comes to his attachment to his boyfriend. Stevie has gone so far as to describe him as “besotted,” at least when she was high. On the other hand, if it was clear that Patrick was in a relationship, why would Ken have asked for his number?

It’s confusing, and distracting. Desperate to get his mind off the topic, Patrick tells David that he’s going to hide out in the back room for the afternoon and work on the books. David seems fine with this – he’s got no reason not to be – and so Patrick sits himself down with his laptop and proceeds to stare unseeingly at a half-finished profit and loss statement until his eyes start to cross.

Patrick wonders if this would all make more sense if he knew any other queer people their age besides David. He thinks that’s part of why David wanted him to experience a date with Ken. Having someone to talk to seems like it might help. But the last thing he wants is to make David think he wants to meet other gay guys because there’s something lacking in his relationship with David – there isn’t. David is gorgeous and impossible and everything Patrick had never known he wanted. Patrick can’t imagine being more deeply in love than he is with David, and in his heart of hearts, he doesn’t see that ever changing.

But Patrick is, for lack of a better word, curious. He’s never been a gay man in any environment other than Schitt’s Creek; no one knew he was gay until he became David Rose’s boyfriend. (His parents still don’t know, but he pushes that thought away – it’s a problem for another day).

He finds himself poking around online, looking at LGBTQ+ community center websites. There’s one not too far away with a wide range of programming, including groups that center around identity, advocacy, mental health, and the arts. There’s even a book club. Patrick tries to imagine showing up to a meeting with a dozen other queer people. He’s not sure how it would feel.

A few more searches bring him to an online chat group. He meanders about for a while, reading threads on coming out, and religion, and the challenges of being gay in a small town. He finds one that seems friendly, and without letting himself think too hard about it, he posts.

 _I haven’t been out for long, even to myself. I’m pretty happy hanging out with my boyfriend and his_ \- he rapidly backspaces, deleting “his” and changing it to “our” - _our most likely straight friends, but should I be making an effort to meet more queer people?_

Patrick forces himself to tab away from the chat group and spend some time entering data on vendors into a spreadsheet. It’s easy work, though, and not nearly distracting enough. He doesn’t know why he thinks random people who have nothing better to do than screw around online are going to have anything valuable to say, but he’s still dying to know if he’ll get any responses. 

Finally five o'clock rolls around, and he joins David out in the store to get ready to close up. David’s in a good mood, humming and strutting around the display tables with a broom that is serving more as a prop than a cleaning device, and Patrick forgets all about his post. They pick up a pizza on their way home, and waste time faux arguing about whether they’re going to go to Ray’s house next weekend for game night (they will, in the end, but David needs to get in a good rant first to feel like he’s being heard).

Alexis stops by for a few minutes, and she teases David for a while about a haircut he once got while drunk – in her opinion it was even worse than the one Jocelyn got at the casino. Patrick thinks Alexis is lonely now that David spends most nights out of the motel. He doesn’t mind her lingering in their space as if she has a right to be there. It’s nice, really, feeling like he’s part of David’s family, and he doesn’t like the idea of Alexis feeling alone.

David kicks Alexis out around ten, and they get changed into sleep pants and t-shirts and climb into bed. Patrick grabs his laptop and David smirks at him, finding a magazine and tucking himself close against Patrick’s side. It’s not weird for them to read for a while before going to sleep, even if it means that they don’t mess around every night. Patrick tips his head and kisses David’s forehead. He always felt guilty if he told Rachel he wasn’t in the mood, but it doesn’t work that way with David. David doesn’t have any doubts about the fact that Patrick finds him sexy. They’ve played with this often enough, David cranking Patrick up just with a sultry smile and a finger trailing along his skin in just the right place. But tonight, at least for now, Patrick has other things on his mind.

Bracing himself for disappointment, Patrick goes back to the chat. There are a number of replies to his post, and he bites his lip as he reads them. There’s a good smattering of “don’t worry, there’s no way to do it wrong” responses which are nice enough, but he’s already had David’s voice in his head telling him that. There’s one comment about how he should ask himself why this has occurred to him now, and if someone in the friend group is making him uncomfortable (no one is). Another tells him to consider whether this is a situation of internalized homophobia or if he feels safer with straight people than gay people (he doesn’t think that’s it). Another asks him if maybe he’s just not that into group activities, which is off the mark but makes him chuckle.

The response that resonates the most, though, that makes his shoulders relax and his nervous finger tapping subside, is this one: _Do what feels comfortable for you now, and stay open to other possibilities. There’s no rule that you have to pick one way to be queer and stay that way forever. Maybe next year you’ll decide to express your sexuality in different ways, or feel the need to meet more people. If you are fortunate enough to have a few good friends, and someone who loves you, you’re doing just fine._

Patrick breathes deeply, thinking this through. It feels right. David stirs next to him. 

“Ready to go to sleep, or is there still a spreadsheet that needs your attention?”

Patrick hesitates for a moment, and then turns his laptop towards David, who props himself up on an elbow to read the screen.

“I was considering an LGBTQ book club,” Patrick says, as lightly as he can. “Or maybe a bowling league.” 

“Ugh, please. I know you’re just saying that to torment me. Who came up with an activity that requires you to wear unsanitary shoes?”

“I think they’re cute.”

“You do not.” David scrolls up to see Patrick’s original post, his eyes flickering over to Patrick’s face and back to the screen. “I was in a queer book club for a while. Mostly because Adrien’s caterer had a Cordon Blu trained pastry chef on staff. Those chouquettes…” David lets out a little groan of appreciation.

“Did you like it? The book club, I mean, I know you liked the pastry.” 

David slings his arms around Patrick’s neck and looks at him steadily. “Patrick, I ran art galleries in New York City. I lived in Chelsea. I didn’t need a book club to find my people.”

Patrick feels silly for a minute, remembering again how very different David’s life has been from his.

“But it was fun, on occasion. When does it meet?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t get that far. I wasn’t seriously considering it.” Patrick pulls away from David, needing just a little less eye contact. He slides down on the bed, and David follows, tucking his head on Patrick’s shoulder.

“Well, let me know if you change your mind. I’ve exhausted all the reading material at the motel. I wouldn’t want to risk our relationship by taking any more of those quizzes.”

Patrick’s brain trips over this for a minute. “You’d want to come with me?”

David turns to him, and it’s clear that he understands that this conversation is more than just Patrick trying to decide what to do with his Sunday nights. “I’d like to. There’s a definite dearth of non-straights in Schitt’s Creek. But not if it’s something you wanted to do for yourself. That would also be fine.” 

It dawns on Patrick that maybe David could use more gay friends too, or pan, or just friends in general that aren’t his sister or Stevie. And he imagines going to a queer group with David at his side, David’s arm in a fuzzy sweater wrapped around his own, David’s chin tucked over his shoulder. He likes the idea.

Patrick turns and kisses David, his mouth lingering on his lips. “I think that’d be good,” he says against David’s cheek. “If we both went.”

David hums his agreement and kisses Patrick back, heating it up, his hands roaming around Patrick’s body in the way that never fails to turn him on. Things fall away from Patrick for a while after that, as they strip off their clothes and press close, David’s naked body grinding hot against his under the sheets.

“I wondered about it too,” David says later, after they’ve caught their breath and nestled back together, sweat cooling on their skin. “How Ken knew right away.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmm. I thought maybe he saw the way I looked at you.”

Patrick can’t believe there’s enough energy left in his body to blush, but he knows he’s doing it. He rubs his nose in David’s hair. “Yeah? How do you look at me?”

David laughs softly, digging his chin into Patrick’s shoulder. “Alexis says besotted. And she’s right.”

Patrick holds David tighter and kisses him again. “The feeling’s mutual, babe.” It’s love that’s changed him, Patrick thinks, as he drifts off to sleep. And it’s changed David, too. It’s shining out of them so brightly, it’s no wonder people can see it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still a little astonished at Ken's brazenness (guts?) but there's clearly something about Patrick... I’m flowerfan2 on Tumblr. [Come say hi!](https://flowerfan2.tumblr.com)


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